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By the age of 20, I was trapped in a vicious cycle of finding validation and self-worth in sexual relationships with men. The sexual abuse I had endured my freshman year of high school followed me into those later relationships. I rarely experienced joy or pleasure in these interactions. I was just trying to prove something- to those men, to society, to myself for being desirable. As I got older, there came the catcalling, the whistling, the crude comments from older men. Despite these experiences, my mom has never understood my general distrust and distaste for men. She thought it was unfounded and only further perpetuated my negative relationship with my dad. Sure, it definitely didn’t help- but her cynical attitude towards my fear invalidated my experiences and feelings in a patriarchal world. All of these experiences are what my mother has invalidated. I have plenty of reasons to fear, resent, and feel uncomfortable towards men.