Self-Care

After you experience sexual violence, continuing to go about your life the way you had before can feel challenging, if not downright impossible. You have lived through a trauma, and it’s completely normal to feel this. Healing takes time, and most survivors can’t just “move on”. As you embark on the journey of healing, please remember that recovery is not a linear process, and survival can look different depending on the situation. Be patient with yourself, don’t push yourself too hard, and take the time that you need to recover in whatever way is helpful for you. 

While recovering, make sure that you take care of your needs. Keep in mind that you need to put yourself first! With that in mind don’t be afraid to set boundaries with people, be careful not to stretch yourself too thin, and set limits for yourself. It’s ok to say no to people when you need to! 

At first, it might be hard to even get out of bed in the morning and do tasks that used to be both simple and habitual like showering, brushing your teeth, and making breakfast in the morning. All we can promise is that, over time, everything gets easier. That being said, if you are not getting the help you need and participating in self care, feeling better can take a very long time. We have compiled a list of ways that you can take care of yourself, even when getting to the next day feels impossible. 

You might find that a self care item that works for you one day doesn’t work for you the next. In that case, pick another item from this list and give it a try. Self care can be extremely hard after sexual violence, but it’s important for you to make a habit out of it, even if you only do it for five minutes a day. In the long run, your mind, body, and soul will thank you for it.

Things You Need to Do to Take Care of Yourself

Some of these might seem confusing or even silly, but meeting your very basic needs can go a long way. Here are a few ways you can ensure you’re getting what you need.

Drinking and eating in ways that nourish your body and give you the energy that you need to heal

We know that you hear it everywhere, but drinking enough water and eating nourishing food are both necessary for keeping you healthy and strong. Nutrition plays a big role in taking care of your body and mind and it’s important to listen to the signals that your body is sending you. The word “nourishing” can also apply to your mental health, so make sure that you are eating foods that make you happy (follow your intuition, whether you are craving raspberries, chips, a jar or olives, or tons of chocolate cake!!). 

If you feel like food is an area you struggle with, as many survivors do, please check out our pages on therapy and mental health.

Try to get some sleep

Experts will say that you should try to get 8 hours of sleep a night, but we know that this is rare for any young people, let alone trauma survivors. Instead of striving for unrealistic sleep standards, do your best to get enough sleep to feel rested and energized for the next day. Even sleeping for a few hours is better than not sleeping at all. You can also take naps during the day if you need to! Lots of survivors struggle with nightmares, night terrors, and other sleep related challenges. To learn more, you can check out our Trauma and PTSD page here. 

If you have trouble falling or staying asleep, here are a few things that you can try: 

  • Melatonin supplements (we recommend the gummies!)
  • Reading a book before bed can be really helpful, and although you might hear advice stating otherwise, so can TV. Funny and happy shows, especially ones that you know really well, can take your mind off of everything else long enough to let you close your eyes and drift off. 
  • Listening to music while falling asleep can be calming 
  • Sleeping with a nightlight on, or even all the lights on, can be really helpful.
  • Glow-in-the-dark stars or a nightlight that projects stars onto the ceiling can help you ground (meaning reconnect to the real, physical world around you when you are in a flashback or nightmare) in the middle of the night, and look really pretty while falling asleep. 
  • Extra cozy pajamas and a stuffed animal (you’re never too old for this) can help you feel safe
  • Calming scents like florals and lavender might help make you feel calm. You can put oils on your wrists, diffuse them in your bedroom, or put them on your pillows
Keeping yourself clean

Bathing, brushing and flossing your teeth, and taking care of your hair and skin are all good ways of taking care of yourself. We totally understand that personal hygiene can sometimes be hard to maintain after sexual violence, and lots of survivors really struggle with this. However, if you push yourself to do these things, not only will you feel better, but setting and keeping up daily routines can be crucial to healing. Some survivors have trouble bathing, and if you do too, try taking a nice hot bath, even if just once a week. Lock the door, light some candles, use bath salts, oils, bubble bath, or a bath bomb, and turn on music you love. 

 

Here is a sample routine that you can try out for a week: 

Morning Routine: 

Wake up 

Drink a glass of water

Brush your teeth

Wash and moisturize your skin 

Do your hair

Get dressed

Eat breakfast

 

Night Routine:

Drink a glass of water

Take a shower or bath 

Brush your teeth 

Wash your face and put on moisturizer 

Put on pajamas

Read a book or watch a show

Go to sleep

Everyday ways that you can practice self care

Meditation

Meditation is the practice of quieting the mind and bringing you into the present moment, most often through focusing on the breath and bodily sensations, sometimes while using chanting and movement.

Meditation has both emotional and physical benefits including, but certainly not limited to, stress reduction, management of anxiety and depression, and help with physical pain. Meditation also promotes self awareness and improves sleep, which can be especially helpful for survivors of sexual violence. Taking dedicated time for yourself every day (or however often works for you) to tune into your body, check in on yourself, and see how you are feeling can help you immensely over time.

Journaling

Holding in all of your feelings, emotions, and thoughts is taxing and unhealthy for you. Writing is an invaluable tool to help you release your emotions, process your trauma, and cope. Although there are more public ways for you to do this as well, journaling in your own private notebook allows you to do this in a safe and non judgmental way. Journals are also great places to express yourself through art and poetry. They can give you a place to rant or do stream-of-consciousness writing if you have a hard time talking about what happened to you but want to share your story. When you first start journaling, you might feel intimidated. Here are some prompts that can help you get started, whether you are beginning for the first time or just want to try something new: 

  • What brings me joy and happiness? 
  • What do I like about myself? 
  • What makes me feel better? 
  • What is making me feel stressed or sad? 
  • What am I feeling in my body right now?
  • What does healing mean to me? 
  • What makes me strong?
  • Make a list of safe people to talk to, and include what makes them safe.
  • Write a letter to the person who hurt you
  • Write a love letter to yourself.
  • Free-write about anything you want, which can include what happened to you.
Reach out to those around you

Although you might feel like you are alone, remember that you have people who love and care about you. Reaching out can sometimes feel scary, but it’s ok to ask for help and support when you need it. You can also just send a quick text or set up a five minute phone or video call. You also don’t have to disclose your experience and trauma if you are not comfortable doing so. You can just hang out and spend some fun time getting your mind off of everything else going on, even if just for a short time. 

Start by reaching out or responding to a loved one just once a week if this feels overwhelming. After a few weeks, add another text or call each week, and build up to sending one a day. Support and love can act as a fantastic pick me up!

Get Outside

Sunlight and exercise actually regulate your emotions by altering your physical brain chemistry. Common sense tells you it feels good to be outside, and this is also backed by science! Even five minutes a day can help you, so take a walk, go on a hike, sit in the grass, or go have a nice cup of tea in the sun.

Try out some new hobbies or continue to do old ones

There are tons of interesting and fun things that you can fill your time with. Doing things that you love is necessary for your wellbeing, so make sure that you step away from work and other life stressors to enjoy your life! Sometimes trauma can make it feel like there is nothing that can make you feel better, but this is simply not true. Push yourself to keep doing the things that you love so that your life has built in joy. This will also help counteract some of the negative symptoms and feelings that you may experience. 

 Here are just a few ideas of things that you can do: 

  • Reading some books you are interested in 
  • Knitting or crocheting
  • Painting, drawing, or water coloring
  • Exploring other forms of crafting
  • Fun classes that get your body moving like ballet, swimming, or yoga
  • Cooking and trying out new recipes 
  • Jigsaw puzzles 

Get Mental Health Support

Getting professional help and support is often a vital part of recovery. Make sure to check out our page on therapy for more information on finding adequate mental health support.