I was fourteen when I first was sexually assaulted. I had not received any sex education as it pertains to healthy relationships, consent, or participating in medically safe sex, nor any information or insight into what a healthy, loving, and safe sexual relationship looked like. I do not think that my assailant, who was the same age as me, had received any either. We lived in a rural area and went to a private school that did not have any mental health support or mandated sex education curricula. Even in 2013, it was taboo and uncomfortable for parents and school staff alike to talk about sex in a mature and accurate way. Many of us in these situations learned about sex from online porn or our older siblings, neither or which were accurate, healthy, or teen-appropriate sources. It is only natural for young people to be curious about and want to engage in sex; close to 70% of youth have experienced sexual intercourse by the age of eighteen. But without the proper education and space to discuss curiosity about sex, there is more room for unhealthy relationships, non-consensual acts, and violence to occur.
What does comprehensive, inclusive sex education look like?
Many young people receive sex education from their peers, parents, or older family members. When information is spread from non-professionals speaking solely from their personal experiences, there is bound to be a lot of misinformation floating around. On top of that, a lot of these conversations are being used as tactics to instill a sense of fear towards sex in order to prevent teenage pregnancy, STIs, and premarital sex. But, as many of us know, these tactics rarely work when it is only in our human nature to be curious about and interested in having sexual experiences. Thus, it is extremely important to have professional sex education that is medically accurate and not based on personal experience alone. We know that information is trustworthy when it is recognized as accurate and objective according to leading medical, psychological, and public health organizations. As of 2023, only seventeen states require their sex education in public schools to be medically accurate. It is a disgrace to not have even a majority of states held to a standard of accuracy when it comes to providing this crucial information to young people. In addition, sex education inherently changes over time as new data becomes available from ongoing research. It is important for organizations and schools to receive current information and share it with their students.
Another major tenet of effective sex education is age appropriateness. At each level of education (kindergarten, elementary school, middle school, high school, etc), there is specific information being taught that is suitable for students at that age based on their cognitive, emotional, social, and behavioral capacities. Sex education should be no different. Students of all ages deserve to know how their bodies work, to understand the consequences of engaging in certain behaviors, and to feel empowered in their ability to choose. This not only allows the students to know themselves, but it also creates a sense of safety for the students, teachers, and their families by knowing that the information will be appropriate for the child’s age. For example, it is so important to teach elementary school students about consent via sharing school supplies and toys. These skills will be easily applied to overtly sexual interactions later in life. Additionally, children need to be taught the accurate terminology of genitalia to be able to communicate if anything is wrong with their bodies or if something is done to their bodies by someone else. This language allows children to feel more comfortable in communicating when sexual misconduct happens, as opposed to not knowing how to talk about it and then the abuse potentially continuing. When you have information prior to making decisions, making the right decision for yourself becomes a lot easier.
Sex education for everyone should be consent-based. This involves teaching young people how to identify and advocate for healthy relationships. Many youth do not know what healthy relationships or consent look like, either because they are not modeled in their own lives or because they have not experienced them for themselves. Communication and interpersonal skills should be taught to help youth develop healthy and respectful relationships that do not include violence, coercion, or intimidation. These skills can protect teenagers from unhealthy relationships and sexual violence, especially when they are taught before students are even dating.
As an alarming amount of discriminatory legislation is being written and passed against LGBTQ+ individuals in our country, it is even more important for LGBTQ+ experiences to be highlighted in sex education. LGBTQ+ youth deserve to have accurate information about their sexual experiences, ranging from protection against STIs and pregnancy to understanding the purposes of their own and their partners’ bodies. These youth deserve to feel seen in their experiences—and celebrated in them, too. The shame and stigma surrounding LGBTQ+ sex is unnecessary, hurtful, and dangerous to so many individuals. Sex education that is truly inclusive of all gender identities and sexual orientations will not only normalize all sexual experiences but prevent harm being done in LGBTQ+ spaces.
So, what does sex ed have to do with preventing sexual violence?
Creating a sex education curriculum that is comprehensive and inclusive will inherently prevent sexual violence due to its emphasis on consent and relationship health in addition to educating on other outcomes of sex. Sex education in the past—and, unfortunately, still today—fails youth by instilling a sense of fear and shame in their behaviors, which does not allow for open communication, curious exploration, or an understanding of sex as normal and pleasurable.
Sex education addresses sexual violence by identifying risk factors in youth that may lead to the perpetration of sexually violent behaviors. The emphasis on a social-emotional approach to sex education allows educators to address these risk factors—such as aggressive behaviors, lack of concern for others, hyper-masculinity, and prior sexual victimization—before they morph into sexual violence. A lot of these concerns will need to be addressed by a licensed mental health professional, so the ability to discuss these issues and behaviors in classrooms allows for more streamlined referrals to mental health professionals.
Comprehensive sex education also teaches communications skills that will empower individuals to know how, when, and why to refuse to have sex with a partner. Refusal skills can be used not only for sexual experiences but for any experience in which peer pressure is involved. Thus, these skills can be taught in the context of other social situations at quite a young age and will positively impact individuals’ ability to say “No” in all kinds of coercive situations.
By explicitly identifying unhealthy behaviors in relationships, comprehensive sex ed will help to keep these behaviors in check. It allows young people to see when someone else is behaving in ways that are unhealthy so that they can communicate boundaries or leave the situation. These skills can be translated to friendships and taught from young ages, and then adapted to sexual and intimate relationships as time progresses. When these behaviors are not identified and explicitly labeled as immoral and unhealthy, youth are not able to set their own boundaries as clearly and remain in toxic situations for too long. Often, behaviors such as aggression, coercion, and harassment continue without any repercussions (either from the partner, families, or society at large) and progress to even more violent behaviors like sexual assault. It is incredibly important for young people to learn about unhealthy behaviors from a mental health professional or educator rather than from experience. I would have been forever grateful to have learned how to identify when someone was being inappropriate or toxic towards me as a youth instead of figuring it out on my own through really scary situations.
According to SIECUS, the leading national nonprofit fighting for the advancement of sex education in our country, only twenty-nine states mandate sex education. There are too many students in our country who are not provided with any information to keep them safe in their sexual and relational behaviors. With data from SIECUS, the Guttmacher Institute, the US Census, and the CDC, state data reveals correlations between a lack of comprehensive sex ed and negative health outcomes. For example, states that stress abstinence in sex education have higher teen birth rates. Additionally, states with no HIV/STI education have higher rates of STIs such as chlamydia or gonorrhea. These facts are not shocking, but they are telling of the impact that sex education can have on a young population. And yet these data still don’t address the impact that sex education has on sexual violence prevention. Only nine states require sex education instruction to include information on consent. Students are not receiving the crucial insight and skills needed to engage in healthy and safe relationships or sexual activities. According to the US Department of Education’s Office for Civil Rights, there has been a 55% increase in sexual violence cases in K-12 schools. California is one of the only states to implement the Healthy Youth Act, which mandates the instruction of comprehensive, inclusive sex education. Since its implementation in 2016, rates of sexual activity among students has decreased and contraception use among those who are sexually active has increased. Yet the impact that this education has had on sexual violence among youth in California is still unknown. Due to the prevalence of gender discrimination, power dynamics, and the stigma around sex, more time and education is required to make impactful differences in youths’ lives.
I have faith in the next generation of youth to live their lives with respect and love for each other. It is, however, going to take a shift in mindset from their parents and families, educators, and—most importantly—policy makers in our country to make the changes that must occur to stop sexual violence in our schools and beyond. You can write to your local, state, and national representatives to pass legislation like the Healthy Youth Act to advance comprehensive, inclusive, and consent-based sex education in schools across the country. This is absolutely necessary for our youth to live safe, healthy, and joyful lives.
1 Cavazos-Rehg, Patricia A et al. “Age of sexual debut among US adolescents.” Contraception vol. 80,2 (2009): 158-62. doi:10.1016/j.contraception.2009.02.014
2 https://www.guttmacher.org/state-policy/explore/sex-and-hiv-education
3 https://www.healthyyouthact.org/the-bill.html
4 https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/sexualviolence/riskprotectivefactors.html
5 https://siecus.org/state-profiles-2019-2020/
6 https://stacker.com/data/state-sex-education-and-health-outcomes-data
7 https://siecus.org/state-profiles-2019-2020/
8 https://ocrdata.ed.gov/assets/downloads/sexual-violence_updated-December-2022.pdf
Julia Kopala
My name is Julia, and I am currently working in Boston as a special education teacher. I joined Survivors to Superheroes because I am a survivor myself who did not have any support or resources to understand the gravity of the situation I was in. I want my writing to empower and validate the diversity of experiences and identities that survivors hold, amplifying the idea that healing is possible. Outside of the organization, I find joy in hiking, reading, and mentoring students!
